Reflections from 2014

Brutal.  Test of faith. Exhausting.  Survival.  Teamwork.  Blessings.

I am sitting here thinking about the past year.  There are so many words that could be used to fill in the blanks to describe the past year.  January 8th will be the one year anniversary of our world being turned on its back.  A year since we were told our oldest daughter had osteosarcoma, a cancerous tumor, on her right fibula.  A year since we have had a week go by that we were not either in the hospital, or having weekly clinic visits.  A year since I was able to focus on anything but survival.  By the grace of God, we ended chemo in November, and all scans were clear.  It was then that I allowed myself to really cry.  To let it all go.  It has been one hell of a year, and through it all, our family worked together, sacrificed A LOT, and survived.  Now, we live in 3 month windows.  From scan to scan, praying that they continue to come back clean, having the faith that there is a reason for us to be on this journey. 

Through it all, knowing that I needed to change my habits and get healthier, I tried to make the best choices that I could given the circumstances.  There are not a lot of time for working out.  Whether it be that I was at home with the twins running them around or sitting at the hospital, when I did have a small window of opportunity, I was too exhausted to do anything but just be.  Both my husband and I were able to maintain our full time jobs (thankfully, Dad's office isn't but a few miles from the hospital and was able to work from the hospital room), and I was also taking classes online for an add-on to my teaching license.  I did, for the most part, track my food most of the year.  This summer, following Skinny Meg for quite some time, I picked up the IIFYM planning.  I toted my mini scale with me from work to home to the hospital, and managed to lose about 15 pounds.  That's the MOST I have ever lost without having to "try" to hard....and not starving and being miserable.  I figure it was the best I could do, and under the circumstances, that would have to be enough for the time being.

Fast forward to now.  Three days until the new year.  I look forward to 2015.  It has to be better than 2014!  I HAVE to make this work on all cylinders.  For me, but for my family as well.  I need to do everything in my power to keep my kids healthy and active.    I have to always remind myself that I am my own story.  I am at my own place in this journey.  I want to be realistic, but I also want to be hopeful and successful.  I am weak.  I make excuses.  I bend the rules.  I feel like I need constant supervision.  I need accountability in the worst way.  My goals for this year are to follow the IIFYM model, and work out at least 3 times a week to start out.  I want to find a trainer to work with a few times a week, and I will be working on that in the next few weeks.

I will be updating this blog with my journey.  Please feel free to follow me here and to leave comments below. 

So many thoughts.....

I have just let life tie me down, and have not been as good at re-committing to my blog as I had intended.  With back to school, me in school, Berkeley's chemo schedule, scouts, baseball, gynmastics.....I just have kinda been trying to survive.  I have really fallen away from all the good things I was doing....MFP, IIFYM, the gym, my challenges....

What I have been thinking A LOT about is diet.  And I don't really mean DIET as in to lose weight. I have been researching a lot about how diet can affect disease, and with Berkeley almost done with chemo, and having that as our safety net that the cancer will not return, I want to be sure I am doing everything I can do to keep her as healthy as possible and give her body all the opportunity to recover and be stronger than ever.  What I have learned during this journey, is that for most of her treatments, she must be fully hydrated, and be in an alkiline state, before they even start the chemo push.  So, aside from hydration, which is a no brainer....I have been doing a lot of research on Alkaline diets.  I have had this recommended to me by more than one cancer survivor as well.  It will be an adjustment, but do not think that it is far from what I have been trying to do anyway.  It will definitely force me to plan and be prepared day in and day out.

If anyone has ANY recommendations and suggestions, please let me know....I just want to soak up as much information as I can.

Happy Monday

Brutal.  Back to School sniffles and sneezes all up in here!  And on top of that, it was ridiculously HAWT yesterday.....at least 250*!  No exaggeration.  Really.  The best part was our AC decided that it would keep out house at a toasty 80* ALL freaking day long!  IT WAS AWESOME!  Luckily our Hurricane preparedness supplies include two small window units that we can run off of a generator (which we have had to do once since moving down here)

Its been pretty overcast here today, so when I got home, it was only 70*.  Much more bearable.  The AC man saved to day and shot our unit up with some freon and cleaned our unit, and we are good as new!

(AC stays set at 68*ish all year round)

I FINALLY had this lightbulb moment today on a meal planner that I could plan everything around our activities and have it all listed on one page.  I decided to keep it to just our dinners, because, with school, we pretty much eat the same thing all week long for breakfast and lunches.  Well, they do.  I plan my days around my Macros.  I, luckily, have a small fridge in my little workroom and a little kitchen area with a microwave and sink area, so I have it packed with stuff to accomodate my diet fairly easily.  (plus the Home Ec room is next door if I REALLY must have a stove)  I am gonna get a little spoiled.  I love my little library world.  

*insert photo here, if I could figure out how.*

Speaking of Macros.  Although I am not working out in any kind of routine, I have my setting that reflect no exercise, and it seems to be working for me.  I have been trying to get in touch with a trainer, but all we have done for the past week is play phone tag.  I just feel like I need someone to take the thinking out of the equation for me and tell me what I need to be doing to be most efficient and effective in getting started.

Water.  AHhhhhhh.....yeah.  I am working so hard to get better at my water intake.  And, overall, I am so much better!  Still not breaking any consistency records, but better.

On top of everything else we have going on, I started my online class last week to get my library science add on to my license.  So, on top of 3 kids, the hubs, school, chemo, scouts, baseball, gymnastics....I will also have my nose deep into a shitload of children's literature this semester.  MOST of the novels I have read...its the nonfiction and picture books that I will have to refresh myself with since I have strictly been in the Junior High scene up until this point.  (new adventure in PK-8 grade librarian)

Please continue to check back here for a regular dose of crazy in the bayou.  I am so excited about my new followers...like real live people!  So fun!  I love this!

Oh, if anyone can tell my how to get my pictures from my ipad camera roll to upload  into my blog, I sure would appreciate the help!

Have you seen me?

I am still looking....so much has happened since I last posted.....IN 2012!!!!  I thought about erasing everything and starting from scratch.  But, that takes too much work.  So, you can see in my full glory, I have not yet found me.....and I have been looking for quite a while now.  I am hoping that by linking up and actually having real live followers that will hold be accountable that this might actually lead me to.....well....me.

Apparently I am terrible a holding myself accountable.  I need a full time babysitter.  AKA...friends in this with me.  When my family and I moved in Aug 2011, I left my biggest support system....my friends.  My co-workers.  My workout partners.  My fellow moms.  Now I am stuck here in the bayou with no one that I have really found to fill that void.  Yes.  I have friends.  But, not THAT kind of friendship has bloomed.  They all have their little age old cliques that they are parts of.  Most of my friends are neighbors, whom I love dearly and am very blessed to have in my life, but its different.  I have a HUGE VOID.  I have been in a funk of massive proportions since moving down here.  I have no motivation.  No will power.  I want those things.  I just feel like I have gotten so far in over my head, there is so much of me that needs an overhaul.  My mind.  My body.  My spirit.

OK, I sound like a whiney little pansy ass.  Who has no friends.  UGH.  So lame.

Yes.  I have an amazing family.  One that is very supportive and recognizes that I need to take better care of myself.  But, its so difficult when the reality of it is that no one else is willing to walk the walk with me and make the changes as a family.  My husband eats a snack in bed every night.  It brutal.  By the time I get in the bed, my macros are filled up.  Yes, I could manage them better to make room for a bedtime snack.  But, I really do not want to be eating that late at night anyway.  Its the principle.

I want to be footloose and fancy free.  I want to be fun.  I want to be confident.  I KNOW what I have to do.  Its just all so much.  It overwhelms me to try and sustain my goals.

I am involved in two challenges....one through Instagram, and one through a combination of IG and FB.  I just want to find my little place in this world.  It is my hope that through these challenges I begin to find myself again.

So, feel free to link up to me.  I am not even sure how to do that, I have been out of the blogging scene, and everything seems so different.  Can someone help me out?  LOL!